I Think I Love You
by The Emerald Dragon
Summary: Perhaps if James didn't like her, life wouldn't be so hard. Perhaps if she wasn't in love with his best friend, things would be less complicated. Lily Evans' life, starting in her sixth year.
1. The Magic of Words

Disclaimer: Stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling. We all know this.

Title: I Think I Love You

Chapter: The Magic of Words

* * *

James Potter was the bane of my existence from first to the beginning of seventh year. He was one of the most popular guys at Hogwarts, and, sadly, but not unexpectedly, one of the biggest jerks too. He rivaled me in grades, both of us constantly silently competing to be the best in all of our classes. We were almost equal in everything, but I'd managed to pull ahead of him in Charms, which I excelled at far more than any other course, while he'd master at Transfiguration. His ego was the size of a Quidditch pitch, and every chance he got he'd ask me out. Why, though, I have no idea. I may be relatively pretty, with an okay figure, long, curly red hair, pale skin and what someone once described as "piercing" emerald eyes, and rather smart, but I think he mostly asked me out for the challenge. I'd never once even thought about giving an answer other than no, though I'd sometimes word it differently, and I wonder how many times he'd take the rejection before he's give up on me. Sometimes I'd sit up at night and wonder what would happen to my life when James Potter stopped trying to become special in my life, and how I'd feel. I'd always tell myself it'd be a wonderful day, but my subconscious was always poking at me, and I dared not even admit in my mind that I'd miss it. I'd miss James Potter, heaven help me.

James Potter with his messy dark hair and big glasses hiding those laughing hazel eyes. James Potter who was so arrogant, but everyone adored him for some reason, as he stood tall and strong, a great Chaser at Quidditch and an outstanding student. I suppose on some level he was a decent person, his loyalty to his friends was amazing, but I still could not stand him.

His best friends were fellow Gryffindors Sirius Black, the womanizer and James' partner in crime, one of the most attractive men in school with his long dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. He was one of those people who never had to study, and yet somehow managed to get top grades. Then came Remus Lupin, who was the resident sweetheart, and for a long time I wondered how such a quiet, nice boy could have fallen in with the other two. Remus was my fellow Prefect, and the closest Marauder to me for six years. He had light hair, which was always a bit too long in front of his eyes, and I used to find it endearing to watch him swing his head back to try to get it out of his face. I'll admit I was enamoured with him for a few years, what with his brains, understanding, thoughtfulness, and dark pretty eyes. The last of the four was Peter Pettigrew. He was slightly shorter than the others, who all ended up around six feet and muscular, with light hair and eyes, not as sharp as the others, but I had always found him pretty funny.

The four were famous at school, the elite, the ones the girls flocked to and the Slytherins hated, mostly because the amusing pranks the group made up were mostly on them. I despised the group as a whole, though. Always picking on Severus Snape, just because.

I had not realized, then, that while James was trying to become someone significant in my life, he already was. I spoke to him a lot, even if it was just to scold him for another childish antic, and I couldn't imagine life would be interesting without those four.

My best friend, Emmaline Vance, agreed with me, of course, though it was obvious she was secretly taken with Sirius, what girl wasn't? She hated his shallowness, though, and they became outward enemies, but flirted horribly through it. She had long, dark brown hair that I loved, and bright blue eyes. She and Sirius sort of matched that way, I suppose. She also had an amazing figure. My other good friend, Madeline Adams, liked them all well enough, but she was above juvenile contempt then, and I wish I had listened to her all the times she berated me for despising James. She was so smart for her age, but then again, she was in Ravenclaw. With long, light brown hair and deep eyes, one would think she was rather plain looking, but if you just stared at her for a moment, she was incredibly pretty.

I think perhaps I'll start my story the summer before my sixth year. This was when things began to change. Voldemort was coming to power, I needed to start thinking about what I wanted to do with my life, and James Potter began to grow up. And so did I.

My name is Lily Evans, and this is my story.

* * *

I was lying on my bed, doing basically nothing, when an owl flew through my open window. My window was always kept open. I loved the smell and feel of air. The owl in question ruffled its wings and I took the letter excitedly, giving it an owl treat, and watched it fly away. I delicately broke the Hogwarts seal, and smiled happily to myself; I had done tremendously well on my O.W.L.s. The grades, now, aren't so important, and I won't bore you with each one, but at the time they were, all of them were either O or E. If I received an A I would have been rather put out, and anything below that was completely unacceptable and an impossibility for me. I walked with a spring in my step down the stairs, handing the paper to my parents, beaming, and not even Petunia's usual comment of "freak" let me down.

I was stupid then, I suppose. Not in class, but that grades meant so very much to me, when there were so many more important things I should have seen. But I was sixteen and quite naïve, as is every teenager.

Reaching back for the paper, I ran back upstairs. I threw myself down on my bed and grabbed parchment, one of my better quills, and a bottle of ink.

_My dear Emma,_

_Oh, how I've missed you! It's been quite boring here, and more often than not I find myself just simply lying here and thinking about anything and everything for hours. I suppose on some level that's good, to find have some moments of peace, but I long to back at Hogwarts, back in the action. _

_I just received my O.W.L.s and I'm so pleased. I have no doubt you did tremendously well also. I'm so looking forward to next term I can hardly wait. We're sixth years now, so close to leaving home, and I don't want to. I want to stay at Hogwarts forever, Em. My childhood is leaving and I know I have to grow up sometime, but I am still in right denial that it has to be anytime soon. I imagine that'll be knocked out of me when we return to school, and I will also have to do my own share of knocking some sense into random idiots who decide to make me angry._

_This summer's passing so slowly, I feel like it's stretching on for the soul purpose of watching me painfully live through it. Petunia's been a right horror, as always. _

_Write me when you get the chance, I'd love to hear from you. _

_Love,_

_Lily_

I tied this to my owl, Diana's, leg, and watched as she soared through my forever open window.

Perhaps I've given you the wrong impression. I was very fond of my parents, but I didn't have any friends here, as I had not been in contact with any of my childhood friends because of all my years at Hogwarts. And once you've been living somewhere so magical and wonderful, it's impossible to not desire to return.

The days passed on excruciatingly slow, pushing me to the brink of madness. I wanted to be back at home, within the ancient magic walls. I direly wanted to be back among my friends, my enemies, the magic that surrounded everything I did, the constant action of the castle. Something that kept me in reality happily, though, were the letters.

_Dearest Lils, _

_I've missed something awful as well. My summer hasn't been all that eventful, either, if it makes you feel any better. Though I don't suppose it does, as you have that annoying but delightful quality of caring about people, even people you despise._

_I've also done rather well on my O.W.L.s, though I'm sure no where as well as you. The only person to do that would be James Potter. And yes, I do dare mention him in a letter to you._

_I'm sorry this is short, dear, but as my life is terribly boring without Hogwarts, I haven't much to report. I cannot wait to return. I'll see you there, Lilsy._

_Always,_

_Emma_

Emma constantly made random nicknames for me, and at the time I hated it. I love it now, though.

A rather lovely surprise arrived for me in the first week of August, and I could hardly keep the shocked and happy grin from my face. A letter from Remus Lupin.

_Dear Lily,_

_Well, how are you? I expect you did an outstanding job on the O.W.L.s, so congratulations. And yes, I did well too, before you ask. _

_I've actually just returned from a trip to France with my parents. You'd love it there, it's beautiful. The landmarks and buildings amazed me, especially in Paris, and some I would stand in awe of, thinking of how much you'd appreciate them. It's impossible to describe them in a letter, and even speaking about what I saw would not do it justice, so I'll tell you what. Someday I'll take you, and you can see for yourself, with me._

_Let me know how you're doing, as I'm sure you're positively driven out of your mind from wanting to be at school. (I know you.)_

_Love,_

_Remus_

I cared for Remus very much, and that letter made me ecstatic, knowing he was thinking about me, and in such a beautiful place rather far away. We've liked each other for a year or two, at least, but neither of us have voiced it. Because, sadly, it was an impossibility for me to be with him, as he was so loyal to his friends, and would never, as James was too smitten with me. But Remus and I let it carry on, never speaking of it, both knowing it would have to stop sometime. We liked it so much, though, that we were both clinging to it hard.

_Dear Remus,_

_Yes, thank you, and congratulations to you also._

_France sounds amazing, and yes, one day I'd love to go with you and enjoy it. Especially Paris._

_I'm fine, thank you. Okay, not really, you're right, I'm dying to get back to school. I'm sorry this letter is rather short, but my summer has been filled with a whole lot of nothingness. I'll see you in a few weeks._

_Love, _

_Lily_

I began to think, that summer, since my O.W.L. grades, what I wanted to do with my life beyond Hogwarts. That phrase sounded horrible, beyond Hogwarts. I almost cried thinking about it, but then reminded myself I had two more years. I couldn't bare the thought of leaving my favourite place in the world, my haven, my life. I managed to calm myself with the naïve thought that I had two more years yet, a ton of time.

Again you see how silly I was then. Two years was nothing, and they whipped by, as I think back on them, but they were very eventful, as you'll see.

After considering my passion, my thoughts, and the events of the world thus far, I thought I'd pursue an interest in being an Auror. The rising threat of Voldemort was looming. He wasn't so infamous yet that people has started to refer to him as You-Know-Who, but that was coming. That summer I contemplated a lot of things, and realized defying evil and defending innocence was what I wanted to do. I wanted to make a difference, and I knew I had the power to.

I am an Auror, in case you were wondering, but when I actually become one does not come until much later in my story.

A week after I sent my letter to Remus, I went to Diagon Alley to collect this year's school things that had been requested in the yearly letter. I lazed around the remaining days, triple checked my trunk to make sure I had everything I could possibly need for Hogwarts, and went to sleep August thirty- first, extremely excited.

* * *

A/N: Alright, chapter one done. I know it's rather boring, and not so long, but I'm sliding into Hogwarts, just trying to get you into the characters, and introducing Lily's life, so, sorry if the letters bored you. Next chapter will be actual Hogwarts.

Review, and let me know if I should continue this any further.


	2. Home is Where the Heart is

Disclaimer: Don't own anything you recognise.

AN: I'd like to thank reviewers, **Demon Faerie Aeryka**, who was my first reviewer, yay for you! You get extra cookies! And also **Sincerity Inkwell**, **Black Lily**,** Cam**, and **Away with the Fairies4**. You guys made me want to keep this story going! Thanks 's much!

Chapter Two: Home is Where the Heart is

* * *

"Goodbye, Lily, sweetheart, send owls when you can." my mother, Helen, told me, crying a little.

"Yes, Lily, take care of yourself. Be good." my father, Charles said, his arm around me.

"I will mum, dad, don't worry." I gave them a reassuring smile. I hugged them again, and ran swiftly through the barrier with my trunk and Diana in her cage. Almost immediately I was practically knocked to the ground as somebody threw themselves at me. Gathering myself and managing to push the offender off, I saw that it was Sirius Black. I gave him a dark scowl, but I couldn't manage to keep a small smile off of my face. Sometimes I can't stand the boy, and other times he's just the cutest thing you ever saw.

"Lily darling!" he shouted at me, grinning.

"Sirius." I said quickly, trying to get away before he could see I was about to smile.

"Oh, Lily honey, you cannot hide from me, you may as well smile, go on, I won't tell anyone." he gave me an arrogant grin and play punched my chin.

"Sirius, dearest, I wouldn't give you the satisfaction." I told him with a smirk, my hands on my hips. He just grinned devilishly at me, winked, and jumped on the train. I shook my head and pulled my trunk and cage onto the train. I was surprised that none of the other Marauders were will him. Usually they never go anywhere without each other, regardless that it's just boarding the train and they probably all hadn't arrived together.

I heaved my things to my usual compartment, and was greeted with Emma and Maddy.

"Lils! Oh you look great!" Emma pounced on me, much the way Sirius had done, only not as hard, and I grinned over her shoulder. Maddy greeted me happily as well, with a one armed hug, as I had my bag in my hand, and I pushed my things into the storage area.

"Alright, I'm off to the Prefect compartment." I told them, after putting my Prefect badge onto the robes I just put on.

"Oh, of course you are. Can't think about anything but your duties." Maddy mumbled, grinning.

"And Remus." Emma added with a smirk. I sent her a glare.

"I don't like Remus that way at all!"

Emma just stared knowingly and I all but ran out of the room before she could say anything else on the subject.

I walked quickly down to the Prefect compartment, getting nervously excited at the thought of seeing Remus again. I walked in, returning quick hellos with the Prefects, most of whom I was on friendly terms with, and came to stand in front of Remus, who was situated between a Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff Prefect, looking absolutely amazing. He grinned up at me, standing, and pulled me into a hug. "Hey, Lily." he murmured into my hair, and I could barely mumble a hello because of the shock at how close he was, that his strong arms were around me, holding me close to his warm body. We held each other a few moments longer than normal friends would, and let go almost shyly. I sat across from him, turning my attention to the Head Boy and Girl. Sally, from Gryffindor, was a real dear, and I could see why she'd been made Head Girl. I didn't know Rick all that well, but I wasn't really acquainted well with the seventh year Ravenclaws, but he was nice enough, and I was on very good terms with Sally.

After telling us our Prefect duties, a speech very similar to last year's, and giving us our times to patrol the train, we all filtered out. I held back a moment, as Remus was one of the last to leave, and we walked together down the train.

"You must be so excited to be back." he said, looking at me quickly, throwing a grin.

"Yes, I'm so happy."

"That's because you're you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I questioned. I used to get like that. I was always a bit angry that everyone thought school was everything to me. I knew I loved it, but it wasn't my entire life. Sometimes I wondered why people didn't see that. Now I realise it's because I took school so seriously, it took most people a while to even see past Prefect Lily.

"Nothing." he said calmly. "Just that you love school."

"School isn't the only thing I'm interested in." I snapped at him.

"I know. You're interested in a lot of things. They make you uniquely Lily."

"Er...is that a bad thing?" I had no clue where he was going with this.

"No, not at all. I like Lily. All of her." he stopped walking, looking at me for a moment. "See you in an hour and a half." Then he turned and walked into the Marauders usual compartment.

I stood there for a moment, surprised and happy at what he said. Realising I was standing with my mouth hanging open in the middle of the train, I regained my composure and walked back to my own compartment, trying to keep the smile from my face, lest Emma make an accurate assumption why.

"Hey there, Lilo. How'd it go?" Emma asked, staring pointedly.

"Fine, same as it was last year."

"Uh huh. And how's Remus?" she asked, an evil grin starting to form.

"I suppose he's fine."

"Uh huh." she said again. Thankfully, though, she stopped.

Then Maddy began describing her trip to Switzerland visiting her grandparents, and we listened and laughed for another half hour. We then discussed school for this year, and the position of the wizarding world, something we were all worried about. We discussed Voldemort gaining power, and the mild hysteria that had sent in, that was sure to increase as our time at Hogwarts drew closer to it's end.

A bit afterwards I realised it was time for me to go patrol, and bid my friends farewell for a bit, shutting the door behind me. Remus was leaning against the other side of the hall, looking rather sexy, slouching like that.

I blushed a bit. "Sorry, am I late?" I asked softly.

"No, I'm just early." he said, smiling shyly to the ground, probably because of what he had said earlier.

I wondered if he was early because he had wanted to see me, or if he was just early because he was a good Prefect. I decided not to ponder on this, as it'd probably make me feel badly, even if it was just a small thing. I'm like that, even now. Small things can make me so upset. I suppose sometimes it's funny something so miniscule can set me into a frenzy, but at the moment when it happens, it pierces me.

We started down the hall in a comfortable silence, listening for trouble and randomly peaking into rooms to make sure everyone was okay, and that the first years weren't too afraid, or hadn't gotten so scared they wet themselves. In my fourth year a first year had done that, and ever since the Prefects had been told to keep a look out. We reached Snape and Malfoy's compartment, looking at each other, silently asking if we needed to check on them. After a moment we just walked away.

"I don't hear anything, so they're not killing another student. If they're killing each other, though, it's probably best not to interfere anyway." I said shrugging. He looked at me, grinning.

After we had been up and down the train once, we were done and he walked me back to my compartment. "Right, well, bye then." he mumbled quietly, and walked quickly back to his friends. I smiled at his back and went in to my own.

A bit after lunch, after the girls and I had eaten an indecent amount of candy off of the trolley, we got a rather unexpected and unwanted surprise.

"Hello, ladies!" Sirius Black called, swinging the door opened and leaning in, holding the knob. I groaned loudly. Oh no, not the Marauders, we hadn't even reached school yet. But alas, Sirius just grinned and strode inside. He picked up Emma's hand, kissing it, and she pulled back, swatting him in the process, and trying to look annoyed. She fancied him, it was painfully obvious, to me anyway. But to everyone else she remained his sweet enemy, constantly fighting and slapping him. "Maddy, darling." he said, nodding to her. "Lady Lily." he addressed me, also with a nod.

And after Sirius came my greatest adversary. The one boy I truly could not stand. James Potter himself. He swaggered up to me, smirking, and ruffled his hair. "Why, Lily, don't you look beautiful. Even more so than last year, if that's possible."

"I don't think it is, Potter, as you said the same thing last year, as well." I retorted.

It didn't faze him in the least, though. "Ah, well, it's true now, also." He smirked down at me. I hated that smirk. I longed to reach up and slap it off of him.

He sat down across from me and next to Emma, who had Sirius on the other side of her. "Oh, you're staying then?" Maddy asked politely.

"No, they're not." I snapped.

"Nah, I think we'll stay a bit." James said, leaning back and propping his feet up on my lap. I shoved them off quickly and gave him a dirty glare. Maddy, beside me, placed and hand on my arm, trying to calm me. "Come on in, guys." James yelled.

Remus came meekly in, as though worried I'd bite his head off too. As if I ever could. Maddy scooted over a bit, and he took the space between her and the window, and across from Sirius. Emma sent her a stare, saying that she should have made room for him near me, but Maddy just rolled her eyes, clearly telling Emma she was being stupid and childish. Peter followed last, and comfortably made room for himself on the floor.

"Okay, no fair guys, why do I get the floor?"

"Because. I want to be near Emma, James wants to stare at Lily, even if it makes him look pathetic, Remus wants to do the whole sensitive guy, staring out the window thing, and we can't make any of the ladies sit on the floor." Sirius answered matter of factly. Remus sent him a playful glare.

For the better part of an hour, Sirius talked Emma's ear off, despite her constant retorts to shut up, James trying much the same thing with me, only resorting to talk to Peter when it was clear I wouldn't even listen to him, Remus stared out the window, looking a bit uncomfortable when James said something flattering, but to me, insincere, and Maddy looked on with amusement at it all.

"Sirius, chess?" Peter asked from the floor.

"Yes, alright." Sirius got up, sitting across from Peter giving Emma room to spread out a bit again, making Remus chuckle, and Maddy lent them her chess set.

I pulled out _Standard Book of Spells, Grade Six_, which served two purposes. Read, which I loved to do, and hide my face from James. Remus, who also loved to read, looked over, and told me what spell he really liked from that book. He switched positions with Maddy, pulling my book closer to him and flipping the pages to show me. His hand would randomly brush mine, searching for it, and I let my hair fall around my face to hide my blush. Maddy and Emma shared a knowing smirk at this.

"Hey, Evans." James spoke. "Go out with me? Come on, just once this year?"

"No." I said, barely glancing up. I bent my head back down to the page Remus was showing me, trying to ignore James' whines.

During Peter and Sirius' fifth game of chess, which had gone on that long because Sirius refused to lose and kept declaring Peter was cheating every time he won, Maddy announced they'd probably be arriving soon, as it was getting dark, and forced the boys out so that she and Emma could change.

The train ground to a halt, and we opened the compartment. "Ready for an awesome year girls?" Emma asked us, grinning.

"Oh yeah." we both grinned back, and walked off the train, arm in arm. We found an empty carriage, and were soon joined by Isabelle Wellman, another good friend of ours and another fellow sixth year Gryffie.

We chatted happily all the way to the castle. I looked out the window a moment, and my head whipped back to it, suddenly intrigued. As you may have seen, I have a fascination with the sky that I can't even fully explain. One can surmise one of my favourite classes is Astronomy. It was growing dark, looking as though it might rain as well, and the sky had turned grey, but was tinged with orange hues, and though a painter had taken his brush and thrashed it onto the canvas. You're probably wondering why I found this so captivating, and it's because it was pretty and depressing at the same time. It gave you that feeling of happiness and sadness all at once. I looked away after a bit though, because I was home, and was immensely happy about this. I didn't need to become immersed in my thoughts just then.

When we arrived, I was pulled from my thoughts and felt a tugging on my arm. "Come on Lily, honey, up to the castle." Belle said as though I was a child. Her voice was full of laughter and I smacked her.

We ran into the school, and flowed with the throng of students into the Great Hall, taking seats in the middle of the Gryffindor table, Maddy going to Ravenclaw. The first years came in, and it struck me, as it had for a few years, that I was once that small and scared looking, which hardly seemed possible now. McGonagall brought out the hat on the stool, and the frightened first years, one by one, ascended the stairs next to her to have their fates decided. You may think that's silly, referring to it has deciding their future, but it's not.

You see, to me it's like Slytherins, may not be bad going into the house, but a lot of them are evil coming out of it. Like Gryffindors may not be brave going in, but once their education is over, they've learned to be, just being surrounded by people who are, and expected to be because of their house. There are exceptions, of course, some Slytherins work against Voldemort, and some Gryffindors aren't all good. I know this, because currently my husband is suspecting one of his close friends to be in a league with Voldemort. I don't know if it's true or not, but if it is, well, you see my point.

After the feast, in which James and especially Sirius stuffed their faces to the point of utter revoltingness a few seats down from us, Dumbledore stood up to make his start of term speech.

"Ah, welcome to another year of Hogwarts. Mr. Filch has kindly asked me to remind you all that no magic is to be used within corridors, and the objects forbidden in hallways can be reviewed in his office. I'd like to remind all first years, and older students as well, that the Forbidden Forest is strictly off limits. I'd also like to remind you all that you must be in your common room by curfew, as your professors, as well as Prefects and Head Boy and Girl will be patrolling the halls." Here he shot an amused look at the Gryffindor table. "Alright, off to bed with you then."

Remus and I immediately stood up. "First years, this way!" I called out down the table. "Come on now, all first years please follow me!" A group of rather small children came toward me, and Remus appeared next to me, and we silently made our way up the stairs. We kept glancing back to make sure we hadn't lost any of the first years, and when I did while we were on the third floor, I immediately scowled and nudged Remus. "Reem, would you go tell your friends to stop corrupting the first years?" I asked, annoyed. He looked back and saw James and Sirius were talking to the first years with grins on their faces, and many of the students looked either scared or in awe.

Remus looked uncomfortable. "I'm sure they're not doing any permanent damage." I sighed, exasperated. I may be mad about the boy, but when it comes to reprimanding his friends because he was a Prefect, he just couldn't do it.

We walked the rest of the way to Gryffindor tower in silence. "Faerie dust." I said loudly to the Fat Lady, so that the students could hear, and walked in first. The first years came after, Remus bringing up the rear, and some other Gryffies in older years behind him. "Alright then. This is the Gryffindor common room, where you'll probably spend a lot of your time. Boy's dormitories are up the stairs to the left, girl's to the right." The first years scampered up to their dormitories almost immediately, as well as a few others, but many of us plopped down into the comfy chairs around the room.

I had always loved the common room. It was a nice soothing red colour, with random gold bits sprinkled in the walls and threads on the rug. The pillows on the furniture were also the same golden colour. There was a sofa with a warm blanket on top of it, a love seat, and a few cozy chairs in a semi-circle around to the massive fireplace, along with a table in the middle. Of to the right of this circle were the large stairs up to the dormitories. The rest of the common room had random other comfortable chairs, along with harder ones surrounding work tables. I settled myself on the couch in front of the fire, content on looking into the flames.

I sat there, basking at the feeling of my home until midnight, when I forced myself up the stairs so I'd be refreshed for class tomorrow. I changed into pajamas acquired from my trunk, and fell into the cool sheets and large bed I had missed so much over the summer. I drank in the smell of the freshly cleaned pillow cases, and drifted off to sleep, happy now that I was finally back where I belonged.

* * *

I woke up the next day invigorated and ecstatic. The sun was just creeping to the room. Emma's bed was situated right under it. Looking at her bed from the middle of the room, to the left of it was the bathroom, and then following the circular wall came my bed. To the left of mine was the dorm door, next to this a closet, and to the left of that, Belle's bed, and then came the wall and back to Emma's. Neither of them had risen yet, so I stretched, grabbed my clothes, and went to take a shower.

Afterwards, when I was dressed in my school robes, my hair a bit damp, because I always preferred the dark curls as opposed to the bright red my hair usually was, I walked out to Emma's bed. I patted her feet a bit, trying to wake her, and listened to her mumble. Then I pulled Belle's covers down again, laughing at her messy blond locks, and waited for them to rise. After they battled it out for the bathroom and both were dressed, we gathered our books and talked down to breakfast.

"Evans, you're looking charming today."

I eyed Potter suspiciously, knowing something was up.

"First Hogsmeade weekend. You and me."

"Yes, I imagine we'll both be going."

"Really?" he asked, excited.

"Separately of course." I smirked. "When _will _you give this up, Potter?"

"When you agree to a date."

"Never then." I sighed dramatically.

Emma, Belle and I went off to Transfiguration. The room was styled like Muggle college lecture rooms, with rows ascending upwards. I walked up the stairs to the second row from the front, and we plopped ourselves in the middle, our usual seats. The Marauders sauntered in a few moments before the bell, taking their usual seats in the back.

"Thank you, for deciding to grace us with your presence." McGonagall said to them, giving them a stare.

"Anything for you, Minnie." Sirius answered back, grinning cheekily, his chair tilted back, feet propped up on the table, hands behind his head.

"Five points for Gryffindor, Mr. Black." she said, almost with no emotion, having been through this for four years prior.

After we'd reviewed what we'd done last year, we left for Herbology. "Ah." I mumbled happily as we dug in the dirt to place in the ground one of the more dangerous plants.

"You are sick. You have a dirt fetish." Emma told me.

"I do not!" I all but shouted at her.

"Er...Lil...you sort of do..." Belle muttered, trying not to smile.

"I do not have a dirt fetish!" I screamed at them, standing up. The greenhouse went silent. I felt my face glowing red and slunk down to the ground, working intently.

"Gee Evans, I didn't know you were so dirty." James smirked at his own joke.

"Oh, shove it Potter." I told him.

"Where?" he asked. I just about slapped him. I stood up to face him, glaring up into his idiotic eyes. Oh, little did I know I would love those eyes later.

"I'm sure it's small enough to fit anywhere." I told him brazenly. He stared as though I struck him, and Emma was practically killing herself trying to cover up her laugh with a cough.

Sirius walked over to her at proceeded to smack her on the back, which only caused the laughing to worsen, and she was having a harder time trying to maintain them.

After lunch, two more classes, and dinner, I lied down and fell into a right sleep, happy with how my first day had been, and happy that James had been fuming over what I'd said for most of the day.

I woke up the next morning, pulled the other two out of bed, and we went to breakfast rather early. I was annoyed, however, as James began to walk up to me. I could tell by his face he was going to answer about what I said the day before. "Ah, Evans. I'd just like to inform you, that it most certainly is not small enough to fit anywhere." Oh, James Potter, for the love of Merlin, why could he not leave me alone?

"Potter, I don't give a rat's arse the size of it, or where it's been."

"Well, would you like to find out for yourself?"

I just about smacked him, I had the urge to so badly. But with the teachers at their table, and my wanting to be perfect and a good student, I refrained. "I would rather someone stabbed me in the heart and laughed maliciously as my dead body spread blood in a pool around their feet."

He just stared. "That's..."

"Morbid?" Sirius interjected.

"Gross?" Peter offered.

"Funny?" Remus asked innocently.

James glared at him.

"See, Remus gets me." I told James, and walked away from him, taking a seat near my friends. I didn't see him shoot a jealous stare at his close friend.

Suddenly, when breakfast began, every Slytherin at the table turned into a bat.

"Potter!" two voices screamed. One was mine. The other was McGonagall's. James looked almost confused as to who to pay attention to, but since McGonagall was a professor, of course he was her's to handle.

"You, you, you, and you." She pointed at each of the Marauders in turn. "Come with me." she walked out of the Great Hall, the four boys behind her, and so ended a usual morning.

* * *

At the end of the week, at seven at night, I made my way down to the common room and met up with Remus. We had the first Prefect meeting of the year. One was held every two weeks. He was standing by a couch, looking expectant. And also gorgeous. He looked at me, giving a soft smile, and I practically swooned. He let me walk first out of the portrait, and we walked in silence to the meeting. This was almost funny. All the time during the day, and when I was lying in bed at night, I was forever thinking of things I'd like to say to him, to talk to him about. And then when I was with him, I couldn't think of anything, and if I could, it seemed stupid then.

We walked into the room, sitting almost as far away from Lucius Malfoy as we could get, almost by second-nature. Sally talked about duties, most of which I zoned out, because I had heard this last year, and Remus Lupin was sitting so close to me, that if I reached out my fingers, they would brush him. She handed out the schedules for patrol times, and then Rick took over.

"The first Hogsmeade weekend is the third Saturday of October. Please be sure to leave this message on your house bulletin. That's all, and sixth year Hufflepuffs, remember, you're patrolling tomorrow. You may all go."

Everybody rose, and I was almost surprised to see that everyone managed to get out of the room without a skirmish. We may be Prefects, but Slytherins still didn't get along with most people. Remus and I walked slowly back up to the tower, both purposefully walking as leisurely as possible so as to stay with each other longer. "So, how was your first week?" he asked me quietly.

"Oh, it was fine, thanks. Yours?"

"Good. I've found it especially amusing to see you outwit James all week, though."

"Yes, well, it's not all that amusing from the other end." I told him, albeit lightly.

He frowned a bit, and I was at once angry with myself for upsetting him. "Oh, I'm sorry." he mumbled.

"No, no, it's quite alright." I gave him a reassuring smile, and the smile a received back in return made my heart melt.

We entered the Gryffindor common room. I stopped, grabbed a parchment, quill, and ink from my bag, and wrote neatly the notice that the first Hogsmeade weekend was the third week of October. Remus stood still and waited while I scribbled it and tacked it on the notice board.

"Goodnight." I mumbled softly, because his friends were still in the common room, and I'd rather not have to deal with them.

"Goodnight, Lily." he said softly and sweetly, shooting me that amazing smile, and I hurried up the stairs before James could ask me out again.

AN: Sorry if it's getting too Lily/Remus for you. This isn't an AU, she'll end up with James, don't worry. But, I am somewhat of a romantic, and I'm having enough problems trying to not put too much Lily/Remus fluff in it already. Right then, well, kay. Review then.


	3. And if You Leave Me

Emma came stomping into the seventh year room a few days later, slamming the door behind her. "I hate Sirius Black!" she screamed loudly.

I jumped off of my bed. It was time for the usual Sirius Black rant from Emma and the calm down talk from me and sometimes Belle. Too bad Maddy wasn't around, she was so much better at this.

Emmaline Vance and Sirius Black have always been adversaries. He claimed he cared for her, but always said in a joking manner, and she claimed she hated him to the depths of her soul. That's how the school saw them. Sirius Black, gorgeous and funny, Emmaline Vance, his beautiful enemy. He was constantly trying to win her over, and she was forever rejecting him. I think they may have been worse than James and me, if that's possible. Because there was something about their situation that wasn't like James and myself. She was in love with him right back. But she would die before she admitted it then.

He never outright said he loved her either, mind you. But I'm observer. I notice people, I notice things, I stay quiet and pay attention, sometimes. And it's fairly obvious, to me, that Sirius was in love with her, and she him. But she was afraid, which was why she never gave him a chance. Why she was in constant denial that she cared for him. Because Sirius Black was a ladies man, and she was terrified to be hurt. Sirius went through women like he went through candy. I always knew if they got together, they'd stay that way. Sirius wouldn't get bored with her. But I was the only one who saw this, including Sirius himself. I think perhaps that's why he never really asked her out for a date. He tried to win her heart, yes, and did it eventually, but he never just outright asked, like James did.

That's how they differed. Sirius was wooing her through his wit and light humour and banter at her, while James never even tried. I suppose he just figured if he asked me out enough I'd crack and say yes just to get him to stop. But I was extremely stubborn, and I took my feelings tremendously seriously, which was why I never said yes all those years. It was personally insulting for him to keep asking me when he didn't care for me, or me for him. That's probably why I hated him. It was like a blow to my whole being for someone to treat my feelings and their feelings towards me so easily and lightly.

Some might say that's incredibly silly. I was a teenager, and many feelings are taken lightly during that period of life. Some may say they're supposed to. But that has always been my outlook on emotions. That they should be taken seriously. Because every feeling, every emotion, is caused by something. And if you're feeling something, then it's important, no matter what age you are.

"What did he do this time, Em?" I asked patiently.

"Oh, he was just being his usual idiot self." she grumbled, tossing a pile of clothes off of her bed and throwing herself onto it. "I think I need food." she sighed.

"Food sounds good." Belle said lightly, coming out of the bathroom, shaking her hair in a towel. "We can pig out and make you feel better."

"I'll go get it." I offered. I walked down the stairs and into the common room. Sirius was sitting grumpily in a chair, his arms crossed.

"Padfoot, what did you do to her this time?" Peter asked, Remus next to him on the couch and James in a high backed chair near him.

"Nothing." he said moodily.

Remus arched his eyebrows. "Right, of course you didn't."

"I didn't! I made some comment and she completely freaked out at me!"

"Well then maybe you should watch what you say to her."

"James, coming from you, that's extremely funny." Remus told him. James huffed and sat back, while Remus smiled playfully.

I walked quietly out the portrait hole and down to the kitchens, where I tickled the pear and many house elves ran up to me to serve. Emma found the kitchens last year and had informed us of where they were. We'd been there a few times, and the trips seemed to be getting more frequent. I politely requested some goodies, most of them chocolate, and headed back up rather speedily, because while it wasn't curfew yet, I'd rather not cross anyone.

I arrived back in the quiet common room to notice that the Marauders must have gone up their dorm room, and I trooped back to my own, dumping the assorted treats onto my bed. Emma launched at me and grabbed a few, settling herself back on her own bed.

After we all spent a night in both light and deep conversation, we fell asleep so we'd at least get a few hours before trudging to classes.

In Transfiguration that day we were practicing new material, and I glared at James when he succeeded in turning his quill into a badger before I did.

After this irritating defeat, I proceeded to the common room as the bell signaled the end of classes, in a rather bad mood. I stopped to yell at some second year girls doing a makeup potion in the bathroom, and by this time, no one else was left on the fourth floor. I walked quickly, my robes billowing and my face set, when I heard my name being called.

I whipped around, and found myself in the company of someone almost as unwelcome as James. Severus Snape.

"Lily, could I speak to you?" he asked, pleadingly.

"No, I really don't think so." I gave him the infamous Lily Evans Glare, the one that scared even James Potter, but Severus plowed ahead despite it, relentless to speak.

"I'm horribly sorry."

"What about?" I asked. I knew of course, I wasn't the smartest witch in my year for nothing. I didn't even have to be to know what he was on about, but I wanted to hear him say it. I wanted to cause him pain, like he caused me pain. I wanted to hurt Severus. I know I'm a horrible person for this, but I was seething mad at him, and I wanted him to suffer. I feel terrible about even thinking that now, but then it's what I felt.

"About what happened at the end of last year. About what I called you. It's just…well, I don't want your help, especially in front of Potter."

"You needn't worry about that. I doubt we'll have much contact again."

"Lily, please!" Twas the pleading voice that got to me. Severus was always so composed, so stiff and cold. I hardly ever heard him speak like this, and the earnest sound softened me.

I turned to him, my face somber. "I'm sorry Severus, but no. I can't be friends with somebody who would betray me that easily. I stood up for you and in return you called me the most foul insult there is. I don't care who was around, who I was protecting you from, who was watching, you shouldn't have done that."

"I know that."

"No, Severus, I don't think you do. Because you did it. And these are the consequences. I don't think we can…"

"Lily, please. You're being crazy. Friends don't just leave each other after one small…"

"Friends?!" I screamed hysterically. "Friends?! Friends don't call each other mudbloods! I can hardly believe you did that!" I knew my face was flaming red, and his looked upset and falling.

"I really am sorry, Lily." He said, a sad look gracing his features.

I sighed. I always did have a soft spot for the boy. Severus Snape and I were friends. I'm not sure exactly when or how. We both are interested in Potions, and he thought me the most competent person to discuss them with. We both mutually liked our chats, and somehow they grew to friendship, despite Slytherin Gryffindor disputes. Again, I'm not an idiot. I knew Severus felt more than just friendship for me, but I could never feel any more of him than I already did, and he knew this. It wasn't ever spoken. It was just known.

"I know you are, Severus. I just…this just isn't going to work, and I won't do it anymore. I'm sorry."

His head fell, and I felt tears prick my eyes. I adored him, I really did, but the fact that with other people around he betrays our friendship, I just couldn't put up with. It hurt too much, that around others he acted as though I meant nothing to him, that he didn't even know me, when in reality he was one of my closest friends.

"You mean a lot to me, Severus." I told him, looking into his dark eyes.

"You mean a lot to me too, Lily." he said back, quietly, but I heard every word completely clearly, as he spoke into my eyes.

I turned around and walked away, all the while feeling his eyes on my back.

I fell into my bed, burying my face into the cool pillow. All of a sudden it was hot. Extremely sweltering, and I felt like I was choking, and I couldn't breathe, and had an extremely bad headache. I dragged myself to Emma's bed, pushing the window up with an almost dire need and leaning my face against the open air, letting the wind come and slam me in the face. I breathed in the fresh scent of the descending night and allowed myself to calm down.

After I could properly breathe, I left again to find Maddy. I walked into the library and up to her, and upon seeing the look on my face, she gently took my arm and led me outside to the Quidditch Pitch. We sat down on the fresh green grass right in the middle of it, and she patiently waited for me to speak.

"Severus and I aren't friends anymore." I told her.

"Oh, Lily…" I lied down on my side and rested my head in her lap.

Maddy was the only one I could go to about this. I don't think Emma had any idea Severus and I were friends, because while once in a while she saw us together last year, she frowned upon it and most likely forgot about it. She's got one of those selective memories. Maddy, though, was always completely understanding about any situation, and I could always go to her about anything. She was like the mother of our group.

"What happened?" she asked quietly, gently stroking my hair like a mother would do to calm a child.

"After what he called me last year…I…I told him we just couldn't be friends anymore." I paused a moment, and decided to plow on ahead with the question I had wanted to ask her. "Do you think I was wrong?"

She waited a moment, her hand still absently running over my hair. "No. You did what you had to do. He shouldn't have called you that. Real friends don't do things like that, no matter who's around." she spoken softly but forcefully. She was right of course, but I couldn't help but think that I also went along with keeping our friendship relatively secret, even from Emma. I didn't want to think about that though. I didn't want to be wrong too.

We both stretched out next to each other, lying on our backs, staring up into the blue sky, darkening every moment. We lied there in complete silence until night had come upon us and many stars had come out. We both missed dinner, we knew this while we lied there, but neither of us made any move to leave.

I watched the stars, breathing them in, staring at them until I felt like I was one of them, next to them. I raised my hand and traced out the constellations, going around to every star I saw and identifying it. When I reached Sirius I put my hand back down and gazed up at them as a whole.

For hours we were there, Maddy and me, doing nothing and everything at the same time. It was past ten, maybe past eleven, when she spoke again.

"Alright, Lily, we should go in." She stood up, and I got to my feet as well, and in silence we walked all the way to the castle, parting next to the main staircase as she went down and I went up.

I walked into my dorm and was immediately greeted with an angry Emma. "Geez, Lily, why the hell'd you leave the window open?!" She was rubbing her arms, an annoyed look on her face, when I finally noticed the room was quite cold.

"Well, how long ago did you shut the window?"

"Oh, I don't know, an hour or two? This damn room doesn't heat up fast enough." she paused a moment, and then moved on quickly, something she was prone to do. She changed subjects a lot, Emma, not because she wanted to, but because she had so many ideas, so much going on. "We're going to play a prank on the boys, come on." She grabbed my wrist and Belle smiled and jumped off of her bed, running to the door.

"No way. I'm not about to play some juvenile prank on those idiots."

"Oh, come now Lilerbee, you know you want to."

"I have no such fancy, Em, unhand me."

"Oh no, you're coming with us." and thus I was led down the stairs. I was surprised the boys were sleeping before midnight had been reached, but with all their running around, I figured they must have needed to catch up on sleep sometime.

The next morning our prank had obviously worked, the amusing results shown when the boys walked into breakfast, bald and old, walking at a snail's pace. They came up to us, livid, while most of the school laughed at them.

"Evans, turn us back right now!" James shouted in a raspy voice.

"Are we going to die?" Peter asked in a timid voice, looking nervous.

I rolled my eyes. "No, of course not, it'll end in six hours or so."

"Six hours!" James yelled in his raspy, old voice. "It'll take me six hours to get to Transfiguration!"

That day I passed Severus in the hall. He barely spared a glance my way, and I told myself it was for the best. He was walking with Malfoy and Lestrange, a seemingly permanent glare on his face. And even now, I wonder if I had just stayed friends with him, hadn't pushed him away or distanced myself from him, tried to help him, that perhaps he wouldn't have turned. Perhaps he would be helping me right now, not trying to kill me. I think that I shall always feel guilty because of it.

Two nights later was Remus and my patrol night. I descended the stairs to the common room at nine, when Alice shouted my name from behind me, on the top stair, her hand holding the railing, supporting her, making her body tilted. "If you're in the mood to actually catch some people, try the East Tower later!" I laughed and nodded, turning around and taking the last few stairs to the common room. Alice and her boyfriend, Frank, were both seventh year Gryffindors, and dearly loved by almost everyone in the school.

The East Tower is a beautiful spot, the highest, save the usual Astronomy Tower, and actually used to be the old Astronomy Tower before the one for Astronomy now, and a common snogging spot for most in the school.

"Right, well, shall we start from the dungeons and work our way up?" Remus asked me, as we stood outside the portrait. I nodded and we walked down to the Slytherin area. And of course, who should be come across first, but Malfoy.

"Malfoy, it's past nine, what are you doing walking around?" I asked him, sternly.

He just sneered at me. "None of your business."

"Malfoy, if you don't go back to your common room, we'll report you." He gave me a look that clearly said, 'Oh come on, I'm a seventh year and I don't care if I get reported. That can't scare me anymore.'

He left toward what we assumed was his common room, though, but we never did know if he just waited for us to leave and doubled back to where he was going in the first place.

We finished the underground rounds, and started up the ground floor. "Too bad we didn't find any younger year Slythies, like third year. They still get intimidated by us and our report bit. Fun to mess with them." I told Remus.

"Lily!" he mock scolded. "I never would have expected you of all people!" I turned to him and found him grinning at me.

We did, however, come across some Gryffindor second years, and I scolded them firmly and sent them up.

It was getting late when we finally arrived at the East Tower.

"Thomas, Dicken, to your common room! Five points from Ravenclaw!" Remus told Henry Thomas and Darla Dicken sternly, seventh and sixth year Ravenclaws. After sending down a few more Hufflepuffs and a Gryffindor, the Tower was cleared of all the snogging couples.

I wasn't paying any attention though. I was right up against the stone side of the tower, which went about waist high, my hands resting on top of the thick stone, glancing into the night. It was beautiful. Stars dotted every inch of the sky, and made the lake on the right glimmer like it had a million faeries dancing across it. I wished I could be one of those faeries, without a care in the world, twirling on the massive lake.

Remus came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and tugging on me lightly. "Come on, Lily, back to the common room." I knew he could pull harder. He was incredibly strong, and his large, warm arms around me made me feel wonderful. As did the fact that he did not remove them when he stopped pulling.

"No." I whispered. "Look." And he did. He stared up at the sky with me, keeping me warm from the light breeze that would come for a moment every now and then.

"Would you like to know something?" I whispered to the sky. I turned my head sideways to hear him.

"What?" he whispered just as caringly back.

"I think I might remember right now forever." I told him.

He leaned his head closer to me. "So will I." he said. He spoke so quietly, I could hardly hear him, but still managed to catch every word in the quiet night. "And that's why we need to go back."

He grabbed my hand and tugged at it, pulling me slowly away from the edge of the Tower and down the Tower stairs, reluctantly dropping my hand when we had reached the bottom. We walked in silence to the common room, splitting at the top of the stairs. We stared at each other for a moment, until I went right, and he went left.

I fell into my bed, and started laughing and crying at the same time. I had no idea why, and yet knew exactly why. And I hated it and loved it.

AN: "Twas the pleading voice that got to me." Right before I wrote that part, I had watched a movie, so it must have influenced me. Does anybody know which movie? Those of you who are right…uhm…get a cookie!

I know this chapter's short. School and lack of inspiration. Hopefully the next one'll be longer. Thanks to all my reviewers and readers!


	4. Sometimes You Need to be Saved

Disclaimer: Yeah, not mine, you know it.

* * *

Chapter Four: Sometimes You Need to be Saved 

I got into the swing of things quickly. Friends, Prefect duties, and studying took up much of my time. It was normal. Like how I thought James Potter was a massive git. Normal. The end of October was approaching quickly, which meant Halloween. But the weekend before was a Hogsmeade weekend, and in the spirit, the village usually gets into the Halloween festivities early, mostly for the benefit of the students.

I joined Em and Belle, Maddy having decided to go with some fellow Ravenclaw friends, and we went down to the entrance hall and walked companionably to the village. Em was going to run off after a bit though, having agreed to meet a seventh year Hufflepuff boy a bit later.

First we went to Honeydukes, because Em declared she wanted to get all the candy she liked without Derek, so he wouldn't think she was a pig.

"You know, I don't think Sirius would mind how much candy you ate." I told her offhandedly. She sent me a glare, a look that was accusing me of betraying her.

"Just whose side are you on, Lily?" she asked, her eyes narrowed slightly.

I just smiled knowingly at her. "Yours Em, yours." And I was. Because Sirius would make her happy. Like I said before, they'd be together for a long time, they'd be in it for the long run. But she still couldn't see it. She did seem to be slowly coming around though. A very faint look appeared on her face, a sort of hidden smile at the thought of him. It made me grin.

We walked out onto the High Street, allowing Emma to run ahead of us, seeing her greet Derek, the both of them walking off together the other way. I was left with Belle, which I was glad for, as we hadn't had a lot of time to catch up alone, and chatted amicably while we strode slowly down the street, enjoying the crisp autumn day.

I always loved autumn. I loved the feel, the smell, the way it looked. It always calmed me and made me feel an odd sort of happiness. We laughed and smiled at the purposely done up shops for Halloween, grinning and enjoying the walk. I finally got to rest after two months of work, with no homework in front me when I returned, having finished it all, and a day of supposed fun looking me in the face.

Not yet though. Because as we walked on the nice overcast day (my favourite), the boys showed up. And don't ask who. You know. Sirius slung his arms around Belle's and my neck, although he was much taller than both of us.

"Ladies." he grinned. "Hey, where's Em?" was his first inquiry.

I pointed down the street, where she and Derek were strolling down the street ahead of us. I looked up at him, and saw his normally cheery face fall for a moment. He cared for her very much. But another moment, and his cocky smirk was back.

"Why would she want to date him?"

"Oh, I don't know Sirius, he's polite, kind, gentlemanly, attractive, treats her well, and asked her." I said, speaking to him like he was a child who couldn't understand, staring pointedly at him and emphasizing the last remark.

He did not answer and instead looked up to talk with James. And that was when it happened. We were still pretty far down on the high street, closer to the end near Hogwarts than the Three Broomsticks, which was at the other end of the street.

Which was around where an explosion just occurred.

Sirius, in a very sweet brotherly act, quickly shielded my head, seemingly without even thinking about it.

The explosion was over quickly, and I stopped in shock, as did everyone else in my group. We just stared, as dozens of Death Eaters popped about.

We each, being sixth years and two of us Prefects at that, rushed to a Death Eater and began shouting spells. I did not even have time to ponder of what just occurred, because we needed to take action immediately.

The Death Eater I began dueling with I managed to stun very quickly. He seemed to underestimate the students of Hogwarts, as many appeared to be doing, thinking we would have fled instead of stayed to fight them off.

The second was tall, and largely built. No spell I seemed to shoot stayed long enough to do any real damage to him. I looked around for a moment, noticing Derek pulling a piece of stone off of Em's leg, as they had been closer to the end of the street. Many of my classmates were fighting, and others were leading the younger students quickly back to the school, many seemingly hurt, probably from the explosion. There weren't as many Death Eaters as had started out, but enough to still be a problem. Many of the townspeople had come out to assist us.

It was then that the Death Eater shot some spells at me, creating a large gash up my leg, the blood falling quickly from me, and again at my wand arm, my entire upper arm splitting open. I gasped in the sudden pain, surprised by it, and he aimed his wand to shoot another spell. It was then that someone behind me shot a stunning spell at him, this one powerful enough to knock him out.

It was Sirius, and he again, in a caring act, swiftly grabbed me and gently but quickly started leading me away, to get me back to the school, a trail of blood following my wake. "Come on, Lily. It's alright. You'll be okay, come on." Suddenly my leg gave out, too much blood gone from it, and he caught me and gave it a quick bandaging charm, having to fend off another Death Eater. He gently handed me over to Remus, who took my undamaged arm and led me down the street, Sirius turning around to keep up the fight.

When we reached the path back to Hogwarts, my leg gave away completely and I could no longer walk. In a moment, Remus picked me up, gathering me in his strong arms, taking me quickly up to the school, serious and protective, and my damaged arm hanging uselessly from my side.

He carried me all the way up to the hospital wing, apparently effortlessly, and put me so gently onto a conjured bed. There were many conjured beds, along with professors, students, and Madam Pomfrey running about. The place was a mad house. Except Remus.

"Thank you." I whispered to him. He smiled at me, and took my hand gently into his large, rough one, though it felt soft the way he held it. He stood up gracefully from where he was squatted near my bed, and walked over to Madam Pomfrey. I watched, amazed by him. He stood so tall near me, walking to her purposefully, and I realised he was really a man. A wonderful man.

I watched as Madam Pomfrey walked toward me, but I never saw her reach me, because I then passed out from blood loss.

When I awoke the light was shining through the window, which was on the other side of the infirmary. Most of the other beds were empty, and judging from the light, it seemed to be about ten in the morning. Which morning, I wasn't exactly sure.

* * *

I laid there for a few minutes, adjusting my eyes and wiggling a bit to see how I felt. Everything seemed to be in order. The leg that had lost so much blood felt like it was asleep, but my arm felt fine.

Madam Pomfrey bustled in then, and upon seeing me awake, came over.

"Oh, you're awake, dear. You've been asleep for two days. It's Monday now. But of course you had to gain a lot of blood. Close call, those gashes were extremely deep. It was obviously a very powerful curse. You should be well enough to walk, classes are going on, but you're welcome to rest for a bit longer, most of the other students have been well enough to leave."

A bit later I left, making my way slowly to Gryffindor tower, since my leg still felt off. I told the Fat Lady the password (thimble), and took a seat in my favourite couch in the semi circle near the fire. And I had no intention of going to classes.

Me, Lily Evans, making the choice not to go to classes.

The past five years and two months of my Hogwarts career I had gone to every class, on time. I was The Golden Girl. Either I just tossed it out the window, or my absence wouldn't matter because I was Little Miss Perfect. I wasn't sure which one. And right there, sitting on that couch, completely alone in the comfortably but for some reason lonely common room, I really didn't care.

I sat there for some time, until many people began to file in. Lunch had to be over, and apparently it was freezing outside, despite the sunshine, something no one had counted on or prepared for, and so the sixth year Care of Magical Creatures class was canceled, as would be the seventh year's class which came after ours. Which meant the Marauders entered the common room.

It was then, looking at them, that I saw Sirius differently. I know that sounds incredibly cliché, and it probably is, but it's the truth. I realised he wasn't always that annoying boy who constantly joked. No, yesterday, he was a man. A man who took care of me and saved me. A serious young man.

And those thoughts compelled me to do it. I stood, and walked over to them, standing before them. I looked up at Sirius, and his face became serious and less boyish. I put my arms around his neck and hugged him, and he returned it, and it was a lovely hug. It was a mix of a caring brotherly hug and a tight friendly hug.

I let go and looked up at him. "Thank you." I told him. "For doing what you did yesterday. Saving me and all."

"There's no need to thank me." he told me completely seriously.

It was then that we became friends.

* * *

Being friends with Sirius was probably one of the most fun and comfortable things I'd ever done. It was like gaining a caring brother and funny friend in one. Of course, don't get me wrong, he could never replace my Em or Maddy or Belle, but he was wonderful just the same. I hadn't had many close friends that were men until him. Remus doesn't count, really, because I loved Remus completely differently than I loved Sirius. Sirius was great, but I didn't get butterflies and want to snog him and tell him I love him and have him hug me every time I saw him, now did I?

No, definitely not. Though, I must say, I loved getting brotherly hugs from Sirius. He made me feel safe.

It was soon after we had started the oddly close friendship, when Em got angry. I say odd, because I had never become so close to someone so soon. And someone I used to hate, at that. Well, I was leaning against Sirius, doing my homework, his brotherly warmth radiating off of me. I think I liked being friends with Sirius so much, because it was like having an older brother. It didn't matter that we were the same age. It treated me with a care only an older brother would. And I positively loved it.

Anyway, this particular time, leaning against him on my favourite couch, reading my Charms homework while he worked on a Potions essay, Em saw, and stormed down the stairs, grabbing my arm and none too gently tugging me up to our dorm.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" she yelled at me.

"Er…" I stared at her, unsure.

"You cannot be best friends with my most horrid enemy! You know I positively despise him! How can you betray me?"

"Oh, shut up. You know you love him, give it a rest."

We were both shocked by that. I was never so flat and rudely to the point. Everything I said was in so many words, some people had to decipher a simple sentence. But still my darling Em stared at me defiantly.

"I absolutely do not! And he's Potter's best friend!"

"He's also Remus's." I pointed out.

She sighed in defeat. "Fine, go ahead, but I won't like it. I just love you too much to stay mad at you."

"Or you love Sirius too much."

Em didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.

Halloween came, in a flurry of the school trying to get back to normalcy after what had happened. Part of the Three Broomsticks pub had been blown up, as well as a small building next to it. Thankfully, nobody had been killed, and the small building was dingy, and near a rather unused alley (though it is believed that randy Hogwarts couples liked to use that alley for more private moments.)

I was sitting with Em and Belle at the Halloween feast, giggling with them about Derek, whom Em says is quite a good kisser, supposedly, and very sweet to her. Her broken leg was healed quickly by Madame Pomfrey, and she'd been up and about since the morning after 'The Hogsmeade Incident' as some had come to call it.

"Hey, Belle, want a candy?" Peter asked her from across the table, holding out a nice looking piece of chocolate.

"Oh, thanks Peter, that's nice." she took it from him, giving him a smile, and proceeded to open the wrapper. When it was a few centimeters away from her mouth, it turned into a bat, flapping around her face.

"Ew!" she cried, pushing at it, shrieking when she actually came in contact with its body. Peter was giggling like mad, the boys making noises of amusement next to him.

He flashed her an innocent smile, one that she could not help but soften at. She still sent him a playful glare, still relatively disgusted having pushed the bat away from her. It flew up and disappeared in a 'poof' of smoke, obviously a temporary spell.

"Alright, whose spell was that?" I asked the boys glaring down the line of them.

Sirius raised his hand a bit.

I smiled. "Good spell, actually. If not for the fact that it was rather disgusting." I was not able to get terribly angry at my brother-like friend anymore. Such a loss, it was really. Not being able to get angry at Sirius anymore, was almost as bad as not being able to get angry at James Potter anymore. But that hadn't happened.

"Whoa, wait, not fair. No way Sirius gets to get off here." James said to me.

I just shrugged and smiled at him. "Get over it, Potter."

"Alright, fine Belle, we're sorry. Here." Sirius held out a tasty looking candy to her.

"Yeah, right, do I look stupid? No way in hell am I eating that."

"Oh, come on, I'm serious, as an apology. Please?" an incredibly sweet smiled graced his face, making it terribly hard to turn down.

"Oh, fine." she took it and chewed. "Hey, that was pretty good, and nothing's happened to me. Thanks guys."

Even I had to stifle a laugh. The poor girl's head had become a jack-o-lantern's. I smacked Sirius' arm. "Turn her back!"

"Why, what's wrong with me?" she asked, sounding concerned. Then she reached up to touch her face. "My face feels weird….Sirius Black, turn me back this instant!" she screeched.

He did so, laughing the entire time, and ran, cackling out the Great Hall, the other boys behind him, so as not to have to face the livid Belle.

* * *

In the middle of November Remus and I were walking back from another unproductive Prefect meeting. I saw unproductive, because sometimes the meetings were just sitting and listening to the Head Boy and Girl talk and not say anything that we really needed to hear.

"Thank you." he suddenly said to me.

I turned my head sideways and up to look at him confusedly. He was quite a bit taller than me, I only reached his muscled shoulder. "Whatever for?"

"Making Sirius more mature. Thank God he's grown up some."

"Yes, well, I'm hoping some of it will stick to him and he'll stop being such a jerk around Em."

Remus laughed. "Yes, I hope that too."

"I like Sirius when he's mature. He's like an older brother. I've always wanted an older brother, actually. It's wonderful."

"Would you like me to act like your older brother?" he looked at me questioningly.

"Do you want to?" I asked him back.

"I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like wanting to snog my sister senseless." he said factually.

I stopped walking then and turned to stare up at him. His eyes were burning with this passion. I couldn't look away. I didn't want to look away. We stood there, in the middle of the hallway, just staring at each other. He looked so surely at me, looking like he felt what I was.

"What's stopping you?"

"You know what's stopping me."

I'd rarely seen Remus like this, if at all. Talking so raw, so sure, so blatant about his feelings. And those burning feelings were for me. I could not look away from his eyes. If I could have, I would have stood there for hours and looked at them. Watched his hair fall into them and he whip his head quickly to move it. Staring at me like I was his, and he devoted to me with such obvious truth.

"I don't care." I told him. Such a short answer. My answers were usually long and detailed. Not this conversation. This conversation was blunt feeling, quick truth. But the words were so packed with emotion and honesty, saying more words would make it less, not more.

"God Lily, if I could, I'd grab you right now and kiss you as hard as I possibly could."

"Then do it." I said straight to his eyes.

"You know I can't! All I want is to hold you to me as close as you can get, and kiss you…"

I bit my lip, still locked with his beautiful eyes. "Yes, I'd love that."

"I can't, Lily!"

"Dammit, Remus, yes you can! The only thing stopping you is you!"

"Well, good! It means I'm not a shitty friend!"

I stared at him, surprised. I'd actually never heard him swear before. It was with such raw emotion, too. His voice loud, his arms gesturing, his guard completely down.

"I know! And I can't stand it! All I want is you! All I want is just you! And I can't have you! Why! Because of James bloody Potter, that's why!" I shouted right back at him. Here we were, fighting about something really rather private, something only Emma was really privy too, by only just assuming on her part. And we were just screaming it for anyone who chose to walk near could hear. And neither of us cared. We really only wanted to walk the small space inbetween us and hold each close and kiss each other hard, but we couldn't. We couldn't, I felt my body breaking.

"Lily…" He took a step toward me, arms bent at the elbows, hands reaching toward me. Then he stopped, our eyes still on each other. He stood for a moment, just staring. Then he let out an almost inaudible sigh, and walked away.

I stared at his retreating back, and just cried. I stood in the middle of the hallway long after he had walked away, the sixth year Prefect, the perfect student, crying.

Do you want to know something? I honestly didn't care. I did not care if some student walked by and saw Prefect Lily Evans crying her soul over the middle of the hall, I did not care if that student told the entire population of the school that strong, self-sufficient, pretty, brilliant, Lily Evans was reduced to uncontrolled sobs for anybody to see. I did not care if my entire school career was ruined by the clear oceans falling onto the red carpet.

All I cared about, was that Remus refused to love me. Not because he didn't. Because he felt he wasn't allowed to admit it.

* * *

AN: Okay, I know, very Lily/Remus, but it's part of the plot. At least I think. It's setting up for the next chapter. No worries, it will be L/J, but not for a while. Relax. Enjoy the drama. Next chapter should be lighter. I think. 

I don't want to be demanding, but I want at least ten reviews for this chapter. That would be much obliged. Thanks.

Also, I'm contemplating switching it from Lily's POV, to third person POV, at least for some chapters. I think that if I do it third person POV, we could probably get more character development and understanding of the other characters. So, review and tell me what you think of this idea. You're the ones reading the story, so I'd like your input on how you'd like it. Thanks again.


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